Yesterday was a difficult day with a milestone being crossed in my prodigal's life that I really wanted to be a part of.
I spent time yesterday in prayer (not as much as should have), and had the prayer bouncing off the wall feeling all day. I felt defeated and was asking for permission to just give up and move on with my life. I ended my final moment in prayer last night saying "Please just tell me if I am supposed to continue praying for her..." Then I went to sleep.
This morning, I was a bit excited to go visit a fast growing church here in the St. Louis area. I really like the sounds of lots of people singing (like at home), so I expected to be moved. I wasn't. Perhaps I am needing to be more open minded, but it felt more like an Amway convention to me than church. The message was one of those your not sewing a big enough seed and your thinking with being in God's favor is not big enough.... yeah right. I can dream really big, I just don't think God owes me anything, I feel its the other way. Anyway I had attended the early service and left asking "What was that?"
I was tempted to just do my paperwork and leave town but decided to go to the Church of the Nazarene in Fenton. I am glad I did!!!
When the pastor spoke today, his message was from Joshua 1. The pastor asked us to think about those people who were instrumental in our lives in leading us to Jesus and helping us grow in Christ. Then he posed the question, "what if those people never entered your life or just gave up on you and quit praying for you?"
My ears were perked up now... then he re-read verses 14b - 15a (NIV) " You are to help your brothers UNTIL THE LORD GIVES THEM REST, AS HE HAS DONE FOR YOU, AND UNTIL THEY TOO HAVE TAKEN POSSESSION OF THE LAND that the Lord your God is giving them. AFTER that, you may go back and occupy your own land, ..."
So, keep praying the Lord says to me, until the prodigal has the rest in assurred salvation. Isn't God AMAZING!?
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Be still and know that I am God
It is hard to believe, but the 2nd Saturday of the month is upon us. This Saturday, January 8th is Starving Second Saturday.
It has been my intention to share the wonderful times when God would send me a specific scripture in the same order that I received them. For this week that would have been from Acts 16:28 (really 16: 16-34) and from Joel 2:28 – 3:3. These were given to me on the same day during a very, very low point on December 27th 2009. However, as I was praying this week about what to say and write, the passage from Psalm 46:10 was brought to my mind on Monday night. This seemed to be confirmed to me last night in an email I received about a person who is also standing in the gap for her broken marriage which she talks about how early in her separation the Lord gave her the same scripture.
For me, that scripture was given to me on April 22, 2010. That day, was for the most part uneventful. I was invited to share a testimony to a Sunday school class at College Church on the upcoming Sunday. I was anxious and spending lots of time praying about what to say. I would often find my way over to the prayer room at College Church over lunch, since my office was nearby.
The Lord had placed in my life at just the right time a year earlier some friends who felt called to pray there every Thursday night. They had invited me to join them there in February 2009, and I was there with them over that last year. In the prayer room is a Styrofoam wall constructed to resemble the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem. It is covered with rolled up post it notes and written prayer requests, and notes of praise. I had often spent lots of time reading some of them and writing and posting my own there. There are some pictures and artwork hanging on the other walls there as well. On one wall is a plaque with the inscribed words “Be still and know that I am God.”
I had seen that plaque nearly a hundred times before, and as I recall, it doesn’t have the scripture reference attached to it. That afternoon in the prayer room, my eyes were drawn to it. The words seemed to stick in my mind. The words began to play in my head from the hymn. Later that afternoon, I would discover why that came to me.
Sometime later that day, I discovered that I was being sued for the fourth time in the last 2 years. I was preparing to stand up to testify about what my relationship with the Lord had meant to me, and now I was receiving yet another test. My house was nearly out of food. I was 2 months behind on rent and utilities. I had just received an invoice from my divorce attorney for $3000.00 and invoices from the hospital for $7000.00. At work, I was still $7000.00 behind in my draw. Since the end of December, my net pay check every two weeks was $74.94. I was the deer in the headlights of a fast-moving truck, and it was closer than ever before.
But that song… it kept playing in my head. I would try to shake it loose, but would wake up each day for the next several days with it playing in my head. So I finally Googled the words and found the scripture. I wrote them on a post-it and placed it on my pc at work.
I couldn’t see it then, but looking back, I can see that God was at work already. A couple of weeks before, one of our salesmen had left to pursue another opportunity. Since my accounts had seemed to dissolve overnight, my boss offered me his position. That position would allow me to take advantage of the sharp uptick in residential business that happens every spring. At the same time to help with my staggering draw deficit, my boss offered to give me a split on commissions with half going to the deficit, and they would give me the other half plus a small salary. At the end of April, I received a paycheck of $210.00! It was such an enormous blessing! I had enough to buy some food, gas, and pay a little of the utilities. It wasn’t everything I wanted, but it was enough to meet my daily needs to live. It was manna.
The Lord opened that door just wide enough so that by the end of May, my draw deficit was completely erased. I did not know it at the time, but He would close that door on June 1st and ask me to trust Him yet again.
I wish I could say that I was perfect in my trials and trusted God completely. I must confess, I complained often. On difficult days especially, I still find myself wondering, “Why?” But the image of that plaque will come into my mind and when I am willing to let Him, the Lord will give me peace saying “Be still and know that I am God.”
Please join me this Saturday and remember our prodigals in prayer and fasting.
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